Releasing Her Podcast

EP3 - Embracing Loss: Myiah's Legacy of Love and Resilience

• Ola Moore • Season 1 • Episode 4

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This episode of Releasing Her explores the transformative power of gratitude as a healing force, urging listeners to face grief with vulnerability and acceptance.

Journey with Ola Moore, through the complex emotions of love, anger, and profound sorrow as she recounts her niece, Myiah' untimely passing.

Themes:

  • Personal memories of Myiah and family bonding
  • Deep impact of unexpected loss on family dynamics
  • Messages about the purpose of waking up each day



Speaker 1:

My name is Ola Moore and you're listening to Releasing Her. Join me as I share my journey of overcoming trauma, the power of resilience and self-discovery. My hope is to encourage and empower one to not give up. Are you ready to heal and reclaim your power? If so, let's be vulnerable and grow together as we are Releasing Her. Welcome back to the Releasing Her podcast. I'm Ola Moore. It's the holiday season as I'm recording this episode, and I told my therapist the last time I spoke with her that I've been having such good days that I'm trying to avoid triggers.

Speaker 1:

She told me basically, you know I can't control it. Anything could make me, make the grief come back out again and the sadness and um because today's episode I'm going to talk about my niece.

Speaker 2:

So I was, I'm sorry and I'm working on not apologizing. I was in a Hobby Lobby yesterday as I was preparing to get a gift for my cousin's little boy, and as I was walking through the aisles I noticed little boxes you know that you could put cookies in or make your own little gift and they was already prepaid and little stockings and a paper wrapping. And that triggered me yesterday because I remember, you know, when she was still here, that I had bought all the stuff from Hobby Lobby because I was preparing myself, you know, for when she go to college. I wanted to be that, you know, that great auntie to make a little packages that I could send her, you know, while she was in school. And so, um, I quickly found myself walking out that aisle because I didn't know how bad the grief was gonna hit me. You know, just remembering that it was a good memory, but still I didn't want to have to do that in public. So today is going to be one of the first of a couple episodes maybe many that I'm going to talk about my grief. And, like I said before, this is starting with my niece because she was the first immediate family member, besides my aunts and uncles, that I lost, and my family circle got small, real quick, real quick. So I remember one day I was in my car listening to the radio and Whitney Houston song, the greatest love of all, came on, and that began to trigger me because it made me think what happens when children are not our future? No one imagines that the baby they're holding, the little girl or little boy that they care for, may not be here tomorrow. No, no one imagines that their child will not be able to go to prom or graduate high school. But it happens and it happened to us. I had mentioned previously that my father's death wasn't the first. Like I said before, today I'm going to speak on my first real loss that really made me aware of true pain of losing someone.

Speaker 2:

Today I'm going to speak on the experience of losing my niece Maya. She would have been 26 this year. I often sat down and I imagined how she would look, what she would have been doing when she had found love, and called me to laugh or complain about the unnecessary foolishness we go through as women. Thinking about her makes me smile and it makes me angry at the same time, because this child lost her life and there's people walking around here that are murderers and living their life like they don't care, and it just doesn't seem fair, you know. So I forced myself to focus on positive memories and moments that I've shared with her.

Speaker 2:

I remember the summer I spent with my sister in New Orleans after she came home from the hospital, with Maya. Many times I got to babysit her and I remember the birthdays and the holidays. Maya was such a sweet soul. She had dreams of becoming a veterinarian and she wanted to send LSU so she could be closer to her dad. I had always wanted a little sister, so my niece was almost like a two-in-one deal for me. She was a a new light for my family, a true gift from God. I remember when my sister had come home and let my family know that she was pregnant. We were all excited and then my sister gave birth. My niece was actually a preemie and I remember how my mom had to get to her, you know, get to my sister to check in on her. The birth of my niece appeared to have, in a sense, awakened a part of my mom that I had not seen in a while. Her motherly side showed up. That did for me to see that. It had given me hope that the softer side of my mom had not yet completely disappeared.

Speaker 2:

And I remember today I was headed home and I actually turned around and was headed to the gym and I got the call from my dad and you know he asked me hey, ola, what you doing? And I told him I was, like you know, I decided to go to the gym. So I'm headed to the gym. In a stern voice he told me to pull over and I thought to myself okay, that was weird, because my dad always called me, you know, and he would joke around and laugh, you know. So I pulled over, like he asked me to, and I was in the grocery store parking lot. I was parked and I asked him what was wrong, because it was making me scared, because he never did that before. Until this day, I don't think my mind fully comprehended what my dad told me, because all I heard was found her dead. So immediately, my thought process I was, like you know, I'm a guy you know, Maya, how is Maya?

Speaker 2:

because I was thinking to myself that my niece had found my sister and I, you know, asked my dad. I was like, do you need for me to come get her? And I just started thinking about all the things I needed to move her in with me, because that was a longer, long-term plan. You see, I had purchased my house because if something were to happen to my sister, the plan was that my niece would come stay with me. The neighborhood that I'm in is nice, with a lot of kids for her to play. It has a pool and, in my opinion, some good schools in the area. I just naturally again asked my dad did he need for me to come get her? My dad paused and I'll never forget it was a low tone and he just said ola, I need you to focus because you're not hearing me. Your sister fell, maya, dead. I just sat there, confused, and all I could think was that it wasn't fair, it wasn't right. How could this happen? I told my dad that I needed to go home and rest before I could drive to my sister's house, because it was just a lot for me to deal with and I didn't want to have a wreck driving down there. So when I finally got to the point where I could drive, I drove down there and when I got to my sister's house I could tell everyone had been crying, my brother especially. By the time I had gotten there, my niece's body was already gone. It's amazing how God will provide comfort. I had a tragedy.

Speaker 2:

A relative had asked my sister what happened. She pointed to the couch and said that is where she found her. She explained that my niece had went to a football game the night before with some friends. When she got home she had went to my sister's room and laid down with her, as they did many nights. She told my sister how much fun she had, gave her a kiss and told my sister that she loved her and that she would be in the living room Because she wanted to watch some TV before going to bed. You see, my niece took a nap on the couch and never woke up. My dad had mentioned to me to go outside so we could talk. He had explained to me that my brother was taking it hard and my brother had actually arrived at my sister's house. He rushed to my niece and grabbed her and he began rocking her and yelling for her.

Speaker 2:

To wake up. My brother was very sensitive and could not take death well, and Maya was his heart. Even all the wrong he was doing, maya gave him hope, as most children do with us. My dad also explained that my mother was taking it hard, which I figured. She just looked lost. You see, I had to put on my superwoman cape before I left home so I tried not to allow too many people to see me cry. I had to be strong that day and help my dad deal with the family. My niece was my sister's only child. She was the only grandchild. We lost a baby of a family that day. I don't have any kids, so I don't know what it's like, but I know our family took a hit that day.

Speaker 2:

The light that my niece had brought to us had become dim.

Speaker 2:

With my introduction episode I had mentioned the toxic relationship that I had with my mom, but I truly believe that a child's love can soften the hardest heart, because I saw it with my mom.

Speaker 2:

To me it seemed that my niece gave my mom a second chance to get it right. With all the mistakes she made with us, or the lack of being present, my niece bought out a part of her that I had not seen since I was a little girl. I truly want to believe that my mom knew that God had given her another opportunity to really love a child. And I say that because, after the conversation with my dad, I went back into the home and to see the look on my mother's face it was like a part of her died and she was truly heartbroken. The pain of losing my niece was so bad that my mom was given medication to be able to help her sleep. I always tell people that my mom may have not been a good mother to me, but she definitely showed up as a great grandmother to my niece and I had not seen it with my own eyes, I don't think I would have believed it.

Speaker 2:

My niece had brought so much joy and hope to my family. I know for myself. The birth of my niece allowed an opportunity for me to build a relationship with my sister. You see, my sister and I are 10 years apart. Not too long after she graduated high school, she went to the Navy, so I didn't grow up with her. She graduated high school, she went to the Navy, so I didn't grow up with her. My niece became that bridge between our two worlds and sadly, after my niece's death, that bridge was gone. I don't think the foundation between my sister and me was strong enough to survive Losing Maya.

Speaker 2:

So, after all the family had been made aware, we stopped by the house. The not so fun activities began and for those that have lost someone, you know what that means. I finally got the chance to see her. I went to Maya's godmother's home to drop off some things and we went and met up at the funeral home. Maya, peaceful. I touched her hair. It touched her and I ran my fingers through her hair. The mortician asked me if I wanted a clip of her hair. I said yes, I just wanted a piece of her to carry with me and I still have it to this day With her passing so fresh.

Speaker 2:

I had days where I used to pull out her hair and just smell it. Pull out her hair and just smell it and hold it for a minute. For those who have lost someone, you know it feels to just be. You just want to be close to them. Then they asked her to bring the clothes to put on her for the service. My niece's godmother stepped up and volunteered for that. You see, my niece passed away in the fall of her junior year in high school. She would never get the chance to go to prom so it was decided that we would. She would be buried in her prom dress. The notion was great, but to go shopping for a prom dress for an actual funeral made me feel some type of way. But we went shopping. Maya's favorite color was purple and just thinking to go shopping for an event that would never have happened, it just felt weird to me. The whole time we were in the store but we had to honor her, and that's the way we did it.

Speaker 2:

Her godmother was so adamant to get her the perfect dress and accessories Because she had promised Maya that she would handle everything for her prom. So I got it, and I didn't want to take that from her or say anything, I just went along. My niece had also turned 16 that year and me being auntie, slash, bitch, sister, I tried to, you know, spoil her. And whatever my niece wanted, she got it set for the laptop she asked for. My parents stepped in and told me no with that, but anything else I was happy to get it for. So that year, for her 16th birthday, I, you know, called and asked her you know, maya, what you want for your birthday? And she told me she loved Tom sneakers. She, um, was in the process of being on her route to become a vegetarian and hopefully a vegan, so Tom sneakers was something that allowed her to explore that as well. And she showed me the sneakers she wanted. I spent weeks looking for those shoes, going to different stores and malls, and I didn't mind, because I wanted her to have what she wanted. I know what it's like as a child to want something and never get it, and I just didn't want her to feel that way If I could help it. So I finally found the shoes. So when her birthday came, my sister said she would have to work and I could drop them off the next day. I told her no and I would drive down because to me it defeats the purpose of celebrating your birthday after the fact. It's just, it's just not the same. So after I got off work I drove to my sister's house and I delivered the shoes. My aunt was so happy to get them.

Speaker 2:

One thing did bother me and it still bothers me to this day. I know I had mentioned that my niece had bought a softer side to my mom. Unfortunately, over the years years that had disappeared and I guess the demons she had been fighting took over and she had start to begin treating my niece just like I had been treated growing up. And I was was in my niece's room with her, you know talking, and she asked me Ola, why so? She said Ola, why is Granny so mean to me? She was so sad and disappointed and all I could tell her is that I didn't know. That's just who my mom was. I told my sister when my niece had asked me die, thinking that her grandmother didn't like her or was mean to her. I don't get it. I personally I don't understand how and why you would treat your only grandchild like that. There was, for my mom, no more re-dos, because neither of us had any more kids since then. More kids, sister Maya, was it?

Speaker 2:

To anyone that is listening, does it mean so much To be stuck in your ways or always be right? We are not promised tomorrow, and if God gives you a second chance, take it and please do right by it or ask for help if you are lost and don't know what to do. My niece's death made me appreciate life so much. After her death, people would ask me how I was doing and I would literally tell them I woke up this morning and sometimes they would look at me or reply and say we know that and I would try to explain to them how my niece literally she literally went to sleep and didn't wake up. I didn't have to wake up this morning, you didn't have to wake up this morning. You didn't have to wake up.

Speaker 2:

And if you're listening to this because you're grieving over something, realize the moment you wake up that you have purpose. I don't know what that is for you, but do know this you are meant to be here, even when it doesn't seem fair that we I say we myself and you we are still here and the words we love are not. I had to let my guard down. I had to be vulnerable to begin healing. As stubborn and headstrong as I am, I acknowledge my feelings of grief and I have to allow myself to experience them, even when it hurts them, even when it hurts. So I want you to say to yourself I am grateful for the time I had with my loved one and the impact that they made on my life, as my therapist always told me. I'm speaking to myself right now and if this episode has made you think or triggered a situation, take a moment and breathe, and breathe again and remember release whatever you need to release. Until next time, thank you you.